Us and them.

I spent most of yesterday putting together the plethora of cheat sheets for Liam's new teachers and school staff. And while I was standing in the office supply store, trimming and laminating, I watched gobs of kids come in and out with their parents. Buying their backpacks and school supplies. And it hit me so hard it took my breath away.

I looked down at the pile of guides in front of me, and the words popped out at me. Unconscious. Glucagon. Seizures. Ketones. Juice boxes. It seemed so over the top detailed, and at the same time I know that it has to be. My kid isn't safe at school. He's not even safe sitting in a room of other kids learning if people haven't been trained to KEEP HIM ALIVE.

I resumed trimming our laminated ID badges as I watched the people walk in and out. And it was just one of those moments when it was so obvious how different we are. I watched other kids pick out crayons and scissors while I created pile after pile of documents, each getting more and more ridiculous. A general care document with margins set at 0.3 of an inch and so much writing it makes your head spin. How to operate his insulin pump. His Dexcom Continuous Glucose Monitor. My kid LITERALLY comes with instruction manuals. It was just crystal clear. That is how they prepare for school, and this is how we prepare for school. Us. Them.

Hmmm. I listen to other people worry about whether their kids will have friends. Whether they still need the nap they aren't going to be able to take anymore. Whether they will like the lunches they send with them. And I can relate. I worry about those things too. And I try not to compare. As my wise husband often points out- we used to be them. Their stress load is increased right now too. This might be more than they are used to. More stress than you had yesterday is more stress than you had yesterday. But still. Us. Them.

And I start to feel alone. But then I look down at the pile in front of me. The ID badges Heidi made. The Diabetes ID sheet, that once upon a time, belonged to Hallie. It may have Liam's picture on it, and have been modified as we've gone along, but under document properties, there is her name. I think of all the emails I have exchanged with moms who GET it. I think of the pile of example 504's other moms have shared with me that are printed out at home. And these are made for real kids. They aren't just examples on some website. There is LOVE in these documents. And then I feel lucky, to have met so many other people who do get it.

I walk up to pay feeling stressed. This is a lot of work. I don't know if it was that all of my documents I was printing completely lost their formatting since the store's computers didn't recognize the font they were in. That all of my images were piled up in corners and headings were cut off and 1 page documents were now 3 page documents. Or that I had to pay to use their computer to fix them. That they didn't line up right on the printer. If it was just a premonition that I was going to go home and realized I had paid to laminate 30 ID badge cheat sheets that said to "rub the rube" of glucose gel into his gums. (And that is SO going to bother me all year). If it was that I still have a 504 to write and a meeting hanging over my head on friday.

I let out a big sigh as the cashier checked me out. She smiled, and said "One less thing!" One less thing. I like that. Yes, still more to do, but for now, one less thing.